I feel like I can breathe again.
I know I said that I would actually utilize this. And mentally, I blog to myself all of the time.. I know, not the same.
So as many of you know, my mom was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago, something in the form of breast, lung, stage four, all the like…..
BUT. Today we found out that it is only in ONE LUNG. No where else…no brain, breast, anything. I don’t think I have ever felt so happy and relieved in my entire life. As I sit here in our library, I reflect on all the things I have thought about in the past two and a half weeks. From the potential loss of her, the hopeful recovery, and everything in between. I went some pretty dark places, and although we are not off the hook yet, I feel so empowered to finally step up and help my mom and my dad get through this as a family.
Although I have tried to be strong on my own, I would have never survived these weeks without my friends and family, both electronically and here at school. It gives me chills to read the messages and prayers that have been sent to me, I literally can feel them running through me and giving me faith, hope, and love.
I feel like I can do anything today. Tears won’t leave my eyes but for once, I have been jerked to an immediate emotion that is positive. I wish I could fully express this more.
Sewing together my life.
Today I visited some of my friends to finish a quilt that I started sewing for my sorority :) It went really well and I enjoyed the company.
This evening, I did my usual of playing Scrabble with my dad; love it.
Later on, I finally did the nerve-racking thing of more planning of my grad school east coast trip for spring break this year. It feels like just yesterday that I was doing this for my undergrad and now here I am, a week from today I will be considered a senior (by credits).
I don’t exactly know if going right to grad school will be for me. I will be graduating with a k-12 certified degree for both choral and instrumental music…a degree that stands totally on its own — amazing. But yet, I just don’t know. I don’t have to know. Going to grad school for a horn performance and literature degree sounds like such an amazing time. I would get to focus on the horn and performing, being in ensembles, taking lessons with even more amazing people, maybe even getting a graduate assistantship. The scholar in me is just exploding with joy.
But I could make money and teach students, have my own classroom or band, teach the minds of young students…
Neither of these options are unfavorable, which is why I’m lucky. I just don’t know what I should do first…patience is a virtue, especially for this next year. A year from now will be my auditions; probably will help indicate what I do. I mean, I haven’t gotten into any grad programs yet, nor have I been hired by any school districts!
Just going to keep my chin up, my nose down, and push forward.
hi lovey!!!!! I miss youuuu xoxo jackie
Hello beautiful! I miss you too :((( xoxoxoxoxo
Today is January 1st.
Today is January the first, my friends. And what do I do? I create a Tumblr [sorry livejournal]…
Is it a resolution to blog my thoughts more and compose myself? No. It just might be good to get what I have to say down on…a computer screen. It is an exciting time in my life and I guess it might be good to document it. Should this be public? Am I limiting my thoughts by making it public? I guess we’ll see. I’d like to think I’m a fairly open, honest, and forthright woman; we will see where I go with this.
It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop. - Confucius